Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
