Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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