I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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