hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's a naked man in my car right now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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