I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
