from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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