Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
