You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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