Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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