He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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