Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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