At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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