All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
