I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
