U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
