Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am one with the molecules
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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