He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
