So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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