Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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