I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
