census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
His nipple licking is glorious
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