Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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