He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Two words: blizzard sex
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
