Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
