those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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