THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Acid is not a monday night drug
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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