she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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