who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
