Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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