This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
