I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
