I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
