We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
