all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
