I love black thongs
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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