I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
