I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
