I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
