Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
