Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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