If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
