and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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