we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
