OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
