Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
