Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
