I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
