i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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