worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
