Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
