I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
