worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
