Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
