Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
